Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
don't judge my taste in strippers
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
