I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
