Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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