so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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