Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
