I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
