I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
