Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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