He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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