Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize