Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
