mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize