Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
