Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
