please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
All the doctor said was why
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
