I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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