So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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