apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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