I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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