The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
