Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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