I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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