I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A bitchslap is in order.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
