We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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