We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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