He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
