you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
