remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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