I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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