we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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