So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
