Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
