She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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