If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
