he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
