but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
