She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
