I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
