Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
