oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
