You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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