I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
