OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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