did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
