I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
