The maid of honor just puked.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
