R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
