laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
