So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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