Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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