this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
