but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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