Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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