Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
