i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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