How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
