Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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