Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
