When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
