that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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