I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
