all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
