In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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