Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
