the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
