Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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