Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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