I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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