1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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