it wasn't lemon gatorade
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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