I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
