Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
