I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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