Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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